Why, hello there, blogosphere.

It's afternoon. I'm sitting in my window sill - you know, the one that has worn spots from being occupied for long hours of study, and the smudges of less-than-clean feet. My window is open, and it's cool and nappish. 

Two weeks ago my family went camping. The gift of long, quiet hours on both trails and lake gave me time for much-needed reflection, thinking through events from this last summer, China, and life now. Those reflections may or may not manifest themselves in posts. 

But now I'm thinking specifically over the past year, my year of "18." There have been so many gifts, so many lessons…so much pain. Humbling me to the lowest valley, and exhilarating to the highest peak. A year of constantly going, going, going, so often feeling I could continue no longer, then uplifted by Grace and given the endurance to keep running. 

The first half of my 18th year I spent working full time. Balancing a job, my family, and other relationships was new for me, and definitely something I had to work hard through. I never felt like there was time enough during the day, always borrowing from Tomorrow's supply. And as I've gone back, reading the oh-so-few posts from this last year, I see the thread of God's teaching to me throughout even the fragmented thoughts from brain to fingertips to virtual paper. 

Following the Piper…for Jingle, realizing the gift my sister is…learning that rest at Jesus's feet is so vitally important, and that peace lies in acceptance. December flew by with my brother's engagement, photoshoots, and a a brief compilation of lessons from the year. 

Then this year to date I have posted 7 times. Yep, 7. Blips on a map…short quotes from conversations maybe? My brother's wedding (it seems as yesterday!) Then as June came, and I began to try to understand pain, process hopes, that I rediscovered the source of strength and joy, and the love like an ocean. An ocean full of tides tearing me away from the comfortable known into the unknown of love unmeasured. 

Drawing me further from my comfort zone was July and China. Students old and new, familiar streets, familiar sounds and smells. The memories, the stories, the answered prayers! Then California, a time of rest and packing up dear friends to move, then coming home, volunteering with kids…and leaving again for New Mexico. Then finally home. Then the restlessness of stillness, and learning to rest, and be content again with the mundane of college and life, and seeing the gifts and the glory of peace. 

My 19th birthday was last week. I am so grateful for my dear family and friends who made the day so special for me. From my mom's chocolate chip pancakes, to epic sibling car convos, birthday wishes via phone calls, texts, and messages, eating frozen yogurt and singing musicals under a bridge with my sister, it was a wonderful day. :)

And now, here are some things I've been reminded of today….

- I'm still using the temporary password for logging in for school that I was issued over two months ago.

- There will always be more homework, but people are what's important.

- It is definitely possible to analyze a movie for philosophy just by reading reviews and watching youtube clips…and get a good grade.

- There is no end to what can be cleaned and organized when I'm procrastinating.

- It's never smart to let a five year old "help" where there is bleach involved. 

- Automatic calendar prompts are life savers…unless your computer is set in a different time zone (I'd still like to know why my time was on EDT…)

- There's nothing quite as peaceful as riding into the sunset, barefoot and bareback.

- Exercise balls are far better than desk chairs - they bounce.

- Camping is still the best family vacation ever.

- It's never safe for others when I run across the "blackmail" photo file on my computer.

- "Busy" is relative. 

- God is always faithful.

Until the next post, whenever that may be!

{Night Songs}

I came again last night, to this place. The drive felt like the night: heavy, dark, silent. And I wondered at the purpose of my coming. 

Those double glass doors, the mirror in the lobby, both with a haunting reflection of my face…or was the reflection me, and the person walking someone else? But no.

Whitewashed halls smell of cleaners and distaste, sorrow and loneliness…but overpowering is the silence, broken only by the occasional beep, beep, beep of a nurse's summoning. So subconsciously, because the Music was missing, I was singing. 

Oh, the deep, deep love of Jesus….

She was awake when I arrived. Awake and restless, and murmuring and shaking. 

"This is Leah…I'm here to stay with you tonight. Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, honey….just turn the music back on."

So singing I continued, ever so softly, through to the end, and stopped. Then, the weak "Will you turn the music back on?"

So singing on, til I forgot the words, and sleep beckoned. But still she bid the music stay. 

And my memory failed, but the Faithful One didn't and I had a hymnal, so there were words still. So the music from A to K and then sleep. Then rousing and L and onward as again, she asked for song. Then sleep, then song. 

Peace be still, peace be still, hear the words come softly. Through the storm, through the night, bringing perfect rest ……. 

Then song as it dawned. 

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning…it's time to sing your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing 'til the evening comes....

 Because every day is a time for His songs. And I wonder if this is what Heaven is like, and if music is the link between the beings in Heaven and the earth-dwellers. 

Then with sunlight streaming 7 she awoke again, for the morning time. Did you hear the music last night? 

Yes…and so that was my purpose, to bring music…and so peace. And I am a reflection, of the One Who Is, the Music Maker. And my heart burns, and I'm humbled, because He can use even the least of these as an instrument for good.